it can't all be fun...

This is one of those 'real' posts. For me, more than anything else. It needs to be shared, so that I can move on and celebrate the baby steps.

not fun: Clothes that were purchased as what I call my 'fat clothes' becoming tight and stretching in all the wrong places. (Fat clothes means that I am NOT willing to buy the next size up...this size is already WAY TOO big.)
not fun: Coming to the realization that something HAS to be done about the weight issue. I mean really, it's a life or death kind of realization.
not fun: Finding out that I have enough weight to loose to be considered a contestant on The Biggest Loser. Deciding to send in an application and video, going to the open casting calls in D.C., and not getting selected.

Guess that means I am going to have to take this on all by myself...or at least without Bob or Jillian yelling in my face yelling at me to push harder. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who is willing to support me, and even embark on this weight loss, lifestyle change with me. (He only has to drop about a third of the weight that I do, but the support is invaluable.)

not fun: Eating 1200 calories a day (started the day after easter 5 1/2 weeks ago). Keeping a food journal to make sure I am really only eating 1200 calories a day, and to make sure that the calories I am eating are healthy ones.
not fun: Missing a neighborhood Ice Cream Party, because I knew I wouldn't have the self control to say 'no', and a girls night out...for the same reason. (The theme of the girls night out was bread. That would have been like a recovering alcoholic going to hang out with friends at a bar...not a wise choice!)
not fun: Cooking. Seriously, our choices are SO much more limited. I'm SHOCKED to calculate how many calories were in some of the meals I prepared on a regular basis. And Realizing that our portions were WAY TOO BIG.

I have not been complaining, not at all, just being 'real'. There is a flip side to all of this.

FUN: After coming to the realization that I needed to take some action about my weight, actually TAKING ACTION! I'm taking control of my life back! Unless you've been in this situation before, it's hard to put into words the happiness and joy that I have felt the past few weeks, just knowing that I am doing this for ME, and that I CAN DO THIS.
FUN: My 'fat clothes' are not big on me by any means, but they are fitting correctly, some with even a little bit of extra room.
FUN: Walking in the mornings with Colby. Since I don't get to check out of real life and go on The Biggest Looser ranch for a few months, I needed to find something that works for me, in real life. Walking is what I can do right now. It feels good to just get out and go. Colby loves watching the birds and bugs fly around outside, so it's a win-win! (We go after Kyle heads off to preschool.)
FUN: Who knew you could do so many things with ground turkey and chicken sausage? I'm learning to cook with ingredients that I never really gave a chance. Veggies have become a 'filler food' rather than bread or carbs.
FUN: Reporting to Scott, every Sunday morning at weigh-in time, on my progress.
FUN: Starting to feel my progress physically, and others commenting on the change.

This is going to be a crazy long road. It hasn't been easy so far, but it also hasn't killed me! I am proud of myself and gaining back my self confidence and self control for the first time in a long time. I am not meant to be a fat chick dang-it. I want to be that cute girl again that Scott asked to marry him. I know I can do it, but if I get discouraged, I may need a little encouragement. Wish me luck with continuing on my journey.

Five week weight loss total: 21 lbs.